How I Transmute My Negative Emotions

My favorite flowers

I’ve been angry a lot lately. About things including but not limited to: continued assassinations of innocent black people for no reason, this fucking pandemic, losing my maternal grandmother. I know a lot of people are experiencing similar feelings about issues in their respective lives, as reflected in these mass protests by people who are sick of “stay at home” orders. Clearly, everybody is mad about something these days. 

I used to internalize my anger, but I stopped doing that after my Granny died. My internal dam broke open after she left this earth. In my grieving, I learned that all of my emotions deserve honor, respect, and expression. And while I hope to do those things in healthy ways, in practice, “feeling your feelings” can manifest in toxic ways. Habits such as bad eating, drinking too much, too much TV, sexual addiction/disinterest, or even drug abuse can creep up. I haven’t personally gone off the deep end of any of those things, but I understand how a person could go there. 

We’re all freestyling this life thing, and we don’t know what verse is coming next. You might say “I would never _____” and the next thing you know, you’re on Santa Monica Boulevard and Western, doing things you never imagined.  

One thing we can do with our anger and other uncomfortable feelings are to transmute them. I haven’t been drinking much lately, but I personally like to transmute stress and negative emotions by smoking weed. Breaking down dried marijuana flowers, rolling them into a tobacco leaf or some rice paper, and lighting them on fire is a relaxing process. Inhaling, exhaling, and watching the smoke spin out into the air puts me at ease. Other ways I like to transmute my anger: writing, talking through my feelings with loved ones, listening to music, feeding my plants, or doing something nice for somebody.  

I guess the point of this post is to say that it’s okay to admit and feel negative emotions. Just don’t stew in them, transmute that shit into something meaningful, even if that’s just a nice fat joint!

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