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An issue that seems to plague many women (and men) and keep them in unsatisfying relationships is that the situation is unequally yoked. By this I mean when it comes to certain values, there is an inconsistency or difference of opinion. When the basic values that matter to people aren’t met, the result is usually dissatisfaction.

We tend to think if we’re in love with someone, that’s all that’s needed to have a successful relationship. But love is not enough. People need real, functionally working skills to have a fulfilling relationship. Like…

1. Can you and your partner disagree without the conversation escalating into a full scale blowout?  It’s perfectly normal to not always agree on certain points, but you should be able to talk about things without arguing all the time. Some people think constant arguing equates passion, but arguing over every little thing isn’t what relationships should be like.

2. Do you and your partner agree on basic values such as marriage, family, children, lifestyle, etc.? Sometimes people focus on the wrong “things in common” with a partner. Like, “me and Jo-Jo both loooove Mocha Almond Fudge Ice Cream…we must be soul mates!” Nah. You and your partner can have completely different likes, dislikes, and tastes but what really matters is that you share similar views on spirituality, whether you both want children, where you want to live, when to get married, and your stance on monogamy.

3. The biggest issue that causes partners to be unequally yoked is an imbalance of power. Meaning, the focus is usually more on one person than it is on the other, resulting in someone’s needs not being met. Sometimes people manipulate the situation to make the whole relationship about them, and other times people take it upon themselves to focus completely on their partner, thinking they are doing the right thing for the relationship. To be fair, occasional imbalances of power are a normal facet of healthy relationships. Sometimes things will be 60-40, or even 80-20 depending on life situations that can impact relationships. But when this imbalance is at the core of the relationship,  an integral part of the relationship, someone will surely be left out in the cold.

I know what works for me by trial and error. I encourage you to explore and challenge yourself and decide what works for you, and what doesn’t.

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